Self Worth

43 videos. After reorganizing, adding descriptions, thumbnails and deleting a few that were recorded incorrectly, I've realized that I have 43 videos on my Vimeo profile. 43 online classes, connections, pieces of my heart. I wanted to create this online resource because, as you already know, I truly feel wellness should be accessible to everybody and every body. In the picture above, Buddha's practicing a teaching mudra (hand gesture.) When I saw this 5 1/2 years ago my heart broke. I went off to the desert because I was burnt out, overwhelmed and confused about the future of Bending Branch Yoga (the brick and mortar studio I used to own.) Deep down, it was destroying me. I had over committed, took on too much, was trying so damn hard to be perfect, to give everyone (except for myself) what they were asking for, what they needed thought they needed. I kept asking others for help, but this often created more challenges. And I knew I wasn't strong enough to set boundaries, to stay true to my beliefs as a person or as a teacher. This misalignment kept showing up as illnesses, injuries and accidents. When was I going to listen? During that last visit, Buddha showed me that I still had some learning to do. This is us from last week. I laughed and gave him a hug. Because this time, he was telling me to teach but to learn from past lessons and to do things differently. That's the funny thing about messages, symbols and signs... they don't necessarily change, but our perception of them does. Often we seek externally what we already know internally. My friend, who seems to have the best stories, shared one with me this week that struck my heart like an arrow. He used to work for Red Bull and said they were adamant about giving everyone just one can of their energizing nectar. He said that if you give a can away for free you are losing the $2 production cost. That cost will be the same regardless. If you give another can away to the same person, you're now telling them that the previous can is worthless. Worthless! The word we're all afraid is true, yet deep down know is not. I've been practicing Yoga for 13 years, teaching for over 10. I've taught thousands of hours worth of group classes, hundreds of hours worth of workshops and private lessons. I've studied hundreds of hours worth of information covering every wellness modality under the sun. I've spent the last 14 years doing deep shadow work within myself. Finding ways to turn down the volume of this negative self talk... a voice that I didn't put there. My mat has seen it all. It's seen literal blood, sweat and tears. It's seen me grow strong, it's seen me grow weak, it's seen me fall apart time and time again... and it's seen me put myself back together. Yes, it's taken me just about this long to say I AM NOT F**KING WORTHLESS! I AM WORTHY! I AM ENOUGH! The funny thing is, I really do FINALLY believe it. I've shared 43 opportunities for you to feel the same. I'm gonna take this number to 52. That'll be 52 chances for you to hop on your mat with me. To feel, to heal, to cry, to grow. If you choose to practice once a week, that's a years worth of content. And when you're ready to grow, you can join me as I do. As Nicole Starr Studios does. I'm excited to see what she has in store. I'm excited to see what you have in store, Nicole. I'll see you on the mat. Stillness, Awareness, Wellness, Nicole Starr Bacon