Get Comfortable with the Uncomfortable
How are your New Year’s resolutions going? Oh right - those things.
If it’s okay with you, I’d like to guess what happened…
As the new year approached, you reflected on the one that was coming to a close and didn’t entirely like what you saw (things out of your control aside for the moment.) Instead of offering yourself grace, patience and understanding, which would’ve encouraged you to embrace the lessons learned, you shamed yourself. You held tightly to your mistakes, missteps, imperfections, dragging them along with you as you declared this new year was going to be different. You made a lot of big goals to carry on your shoulders, ironically, exclaiming the new year was going to be lighter, better, simpler.
Hmmmm, it’s almost as if your subconscious made these unreachable goals because it knew they were unattainable, thus giving you an out when they got to heavy and took you down.
Pause and offer yourself grace again - this is a natural defense mechanism. Your spirit knows exactly how to protect itself.
All I can say is that “I hear you, I feel you, I’ve been there too...more times than I can count”
Shame will NEVER bring you the change you’re seeking, Nicole. Shame chains us to the things we’re ashamed of.
Yes, read that last line again.
It’s like looking at a broken object on the floor, disgusted that it fell apart, leaving the shattered pieces to walk on, instead of grabbing the glue and trying to put it back together.
Yes, it takes more time to do the later, yes it may appear to be less “perfect than before," AND yes, the glue often makes the object stronger than ever.
When we shame ourselves and add too much at once - we crash, burnout and fall back into our old habits of comfort…the very ones we’re shaming ourselves for. That's because they’re still right there, in our grasp.
Instead of accepting them as an outdated part of ourselves that once served us but no longer does and moving on, we hold tightly to them, thinking this will prevent us from repeating them, when in reality, all it does is keep them close by to fall back into.
I know this sounds counterintuitive. I know leaning into the pain, the break, the discomfort does not make sense. And yet, it's somehow the only thing that makes sense. The only thing that cultivates LASTING change, because instead of holding on to what we’re ashamed of, we embrace it and use it as a stepping stone to get to the next level.
Think about it...
How do your eyes adjust to darkness?
By sitting in the dark and waiting.
How do you save your car from going into a ditch on an icy road?
You steer into the skid. (That's my MI roots, right there.)
How do you float in the water?
You stop resisting.
Am I saying that we shouldn't evolve, grow, change…absolutely not. I’m saying we must find the balance between motivating ourselves and shaming ourselves. Now, let’s talk about the other end of the spectrum - complacency. My goodness, it feels good, doesn’t it. The comfort of knowing what to expect, the stillness of never rocking the boat, the bliss of never turning inward towards self exploration. There is nothing to be ashamed of here. Nothing to fear. If this is the life you choose, then by all means love it, embrace it, live it…but also know growth does not happen there. Trust me, I get that dreams are scary to pursue. And often the dreams we have in our minds can never live up to the dream that becomes a reality. I get that hopes, dreams, fantasies are precious when we can keep them at a safe distance. Yes, it’s a lot more comfortable to live our dreams from afar. But, my God, there is nothing like the joyous agony of watching a dream turn into reality. No, it’s never exactly like we imaged - it’s so much more! But only if we allow ourselves to be open to what’s before us. The beauty, the discomfort, the excitement, the fear, the imperfect mess (autocorrected, happy accident, from imperfectness so I gotta keep it in there.) 🥰 This is how you live out in the open. This is how you live fully. This is how you share your authentic self with the world. Can you imagine the freedom that comes with being true to your own heart? Decisions are a lot easier to make because if it’s not a resounding yes - then it’s a no. Harder Scarier Livelier So again, what’s your one word for the year? Where are you going to aim? Let go of all the shameful shit, you’ve been carrying. I can help you use it as fertilizer, (yes, I went there) if you’d like. Reach out anytime. Below are a few ideas. But first, you must open your hand, and let it fall, let it break, let in shatter and trust that you know exactly how to put the pieces back together. Stay in the Light, Nicole Starr Bacon