How to Make Life Easier

I know it’s been a minute… okay, I know it’s been a lot of minutes. The truth is, that’s the phase of life I’m in, and maybe you are too.

That phase of life where you want to slow down, yet, want to do it all.

Where you want to focus on you, but also, have to focus on other(s).

Where you want to find balance, when most things feel off balance.

I can sense you nodding your head. Maybe even saying, f**k yes!

I hear you.

I feel you.

And it’s hard. It's really fricking hard.

But it’s also necessary and possible to find ease paired with discomfort, if we stay open...if we stay open to all of it.

All the feels, all the chaos, all the peace.

I know, it’s way easier to close yourself off - to isolate, to minimize, to shelter, to hide.

But that’s also not life. More accurately, that's not the courageous life you’re looking to live.

How do I know that you’re looking to live a courageous life? Because you’re here. You found me and my email list. You saw my very personal site, that shares my complicated story. A site that represents my truth, that says (repeatedly) this will be uncomfortable, this will be scary, this will be hard, but, holy cannoli, this will be worth it.

Because to know yourself, your honest to goodness, most authentic self will take some shedding. Will take some exploring. Will take a lot of questions that ask you, “Is this really you, or a mask you’ve been hiding behind?” “Is this really you, or some story you’re telling yourself to stay small, hidden, comfortable?” “Is this really you, or something someone else said to you?”

Recently, while talking with my wonderful therapist about a tough moment in my life that I was trying to learn from, and discussing relationship dynamics she said, “You need to be less than.” Explaining that I show up so big that I inevitably become disappointed if someone can’t show up the same. And though I understand what she’s saying and where she’s coming from, I don’t fully agree.

Disclaimer: I think it’s okay to not fully agree with your therapist, or yoga teacher, or guru, or guide, or friend, or partner. Because if we simply agreed with everything anyone else said to us or about us, we would not be able to develop the advocacy it takes to stand up for ourselves and say, “Let me tell you who I am, not who you think I am.” This is hard, and difficult, and uncomfortable, but also very important.

You see, I do show up big. In everything I do. And it requires those I’m surrounded by to show up big as well. Not for me, but for them. And I wouldn't say I become disappointed, because I know enough about the human experience to know why people struggle. I just let this knowledge sit in tandem with the relentless, reckless, hopeless faith I have in people.

This perspective will ask you to look at yourself and see where you’re misaligned. It will require you to examine where you’re depleting yourself because you're settling for easy, or comfortable, or validating.

To have someone look at you and say, “ I see your light, I see your fire, and I see your heart - now let’s figure out how to let them shine” takes a special kind of courage from both of us.

Nicole to show up this way for you, requires me to show up this way for me.

Someone I dated told me that he hated how he made me skrink. As he said this, all I could think of was, well that's on me. To forget my light, my strength, my power, is a lesson I'm continuously relearning. This lesson will take time to learn, until it becomes my default. It will make me uncomfortable and somedays I'll succeed, others I won't.

But, the truth is, it's not that he made me shrink, it's that he made me scared. And any big risk, will evoke some fear. Making the move, pursuing the promotion, taking the chance on yourself or someone else - that's scary stuff.

So maybe you’re like me, with your heart living inside of your chest, but also outside of yourself, in the real world, touching upon every damn thing you do.

If it’s not, but that sounds like something pretty enticing, I’m here.

Because, just like working out, things don't get easier, you just get stronger, braver, more resilient.

You don't live an easy life by making easier choices, you live a more authentic life by bravely fighting for what's aligned for you - which, in time, makes life feel easier.

To discover what's aligned for you takes guts, courage, questioning, and showing up BIG time.

It's the moment after the butterflies, or as my son likes to call them, "bellyflies." (Again, how did I not think of that?)

The butterflies tell you something big is about to happen. Something wonderful AND scary. And that magical moment after, the moment you walk through the doorway with fear, courage, and uncertainty in your pocket.... there's NOTHING more empowering.

This is how you make life easier - or at least a life worth living.

I have a few weeks off of grad school and able to focus on this incredible community we've created here. You may notice I have streamlined my services to represent what has become important, shedding what was not (look at me practicing what I preach ;) I believe my website is FINALLY finished, though there's always tinkers to be made, check it out. I have been working on some other things as well and will let you know more when I do.

In the meantime, drop into your heart. Feel it’s energy, it’s aliveness, it’s beat. Ask how it’s feeling. Then ask if it’s ready to stop playing so small. If it responds with feelings of fear, uncertainly, or doubt - support those emotions. Listen to the worries, listen to the concerns, give them a voice but do not give them a vote in how you show up for your one and only, sacred life.

Nicole, whenever you're ready to reconnect with your wild, reckless, heart, I'll be here.

Book a Discovery Call when you are.

Rest in Your Radiance,

Nicole Starr